Woe

Someone close to me recently told me that they wish they were old, so they could give up, stop caring and die. Then I could see in their eyes the moment they realized how incredibly awful it was to fantasize about dying, as they burst into tears. It scared the shit out of me. Her quality and quantity of life has been stolen from her, and even I question whether she has a future. I cannot do much else than beg her not to give up, because I still need her.

It's a darkness I haven't fully understood though I always tried to give due respect to, clinical depression is something I don't want to face. In the past another friend battled clinical depression, and now I only have infinite amounts more respect for her. I am only regretful I didn't offer the support I should have.

That is a mistake I am not making this time, but I feel so out of my depth, I wonder how much I can help. In addition her husband isn't supporting her, and I worry if she can afford to see a shrink enough. My worst fear is that I have to face the death of a loved one, it's one of the few moments nowadays I wish I had the innocence of my childhood. This is not a reality I signed up for.