Solitary Man?

I've been looking at this year as it's passing by. I cannot help but keep feeling like there is something wrong with me, I start to believe I don't have what it takes to live in this world. Like I'm just wired wrong, that there is nothing I can do.

I know that's not true though. I guess I am still just uninspired. I've tried to bring back my passion for life again but it's difficult. If I had it, these small things in life would become so easy, I'd take life by the throat and squeeze everything out of it. I refuse to accept that I am just becoming a bum, although I feel like it sometimes. Something has to change in me, I need that passion ignited. The thing inside me that tells me to keep going, push myself harder.

I guess this means I need to look into my past, when I was 16 and I decided I wanted to travel the world. I saw pictures of the vast Finnish landscape and I feel in love. I also fell in love with a girl. Those are the things that drove me to work so hard over those next 2 years. I still love Finland today as much as I ever did, but I don't have much love elsewhere.

Could it be as simple as that? I know I'm a loving person and that I feel lonely a lot, but could it be that the root of why my life is standing still? I haven't really been single in a long time, I realize this as I write this words. I fell in love when I was 16, roughly 2 years later I fell in love with someone else almost immediately. I always considered myself to be independent, but in fact being single is something completely new to me.

I never thought of myself as someone who needed to be in some form of relationship, I thought being single was something I was totally ok with, that I never needed other people, they were just a bonus. I think I was wrong, maybe right now I need someone to love.