Minun Perhe

Rough days as usual. For the first time in a long time I've felt like wanting a home to retreat to, when things get rough. Mum isn't really like that anymore, instead I'm taking care of her most of the time. Over the years she always talked about how she worried about her actions affecting my life, how I felt about her separating with my father, marrying Andrew, separating with Andrew. She always wanted that reassurance. For the first time ironically in my adulthood, I do now feel like it's affecting me. I don't want her to be alone, not only for her sake but for my sanity. I am awfully bitter, frustrated and let down about my whole family's situation.

I guess that's to be expected, we went from not talking, to my life falling apart and then me moving in with them. Out of the frying pan into the fire sort of thing, wasn't really the best start. Having all my own problems and feeling obligated to take on the problems of my family too. But it's getting better, and I'm trying to rise to the challenge. I don't want be the person that drops moral responsibility of things because he never asked for it, hard done by. The family is badly fractured, and I'm the only person with the guts to say something about it.

Things have changed a lot though, suddenly my grandparents look at me in a different way. They suddenly realized I'm very aware of the hurt in the family, that I've long matured to understanding things. I got scared recently because I realized they're one of the few sane people in the family left, I practically idolize my grandfather and I've never even sat with him for a drink and really spoke. He's not going to be around forever, I get the feeling he could tell me a thing or two about life that I may need.